


First of all, fuck you

by Kiwis_and_magpies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abused Sirius Black, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi Remus, Bi Sirius, Bisexual, Bisexuality, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut (Maybe), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, I feel so bad for him, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Orion Black's A+ Parenting, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Omniscient, Protective Sirius Black, Remus Lupin Loves Sirius Black, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sirius hides stuff from his friends, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, accurate depictions of physical abuse, good grammar, not me projecting onto Sirius black, regulus black isn’t so close with Sirius anymore, sirius is in denial, these tags are all over the place I’m so sorry, werewolf transformation is not that bad... most of the time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29416482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwis_and_magpies/pseuds/Kiwis_and_magpies
Summary: Sirius Black has had enough. The summer before his sixth year, the abuse from his parents becomes too much to handle. How long till his friends find out? And more importantly, the imminent threat of war. All while his feelings for Remus are in a mess.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	First of all, fuck you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks! This is one of my first published fics, I wanted to just go with the flow and write something mostly canon compliant. I also wanted Sirius to have an awesome moment where he realises he’s not tolerating his family’s behaviour any longer- and the consequences that has. Tw here for physical and emotional abuse and use of the f-slur so if that’s not something you’re comfortable with go and read some fluff go on. Treat yourself. Enjoy! (I think?)

***  
Hogwarts was Sirius Black’s absolutely favourite place in the entire world. At least, right at this moment it was, because he currently wasn’t there. He was in fact in his bedroom in number twelve, grimmauld place. His parent’s house. And he despised it. It wasn’t a particularly small room; it had four walls with dark wallpaper, wooden floors, his bed of course, a bookshelf, a desk, and the ever-present Gryffindor hangings he’d charmed to stick there forever last summer, before fifth year started. The Black family’s reactions to the hangings weren’t exactly favourable, but at least the bruises were easy to hide.  
He wasn’t very hurt at the minute. Only a bruise on his forearm that stared up at him as he packed away robe after robe, followed by potioneering instruments, books, and finally his communication mirror, wrapped carefully in a jumper. He started slightly at a sharp tap from the window.  
“Oh,” he grinned, noticing the feathery messenger outside his window, “hello.”  
He unlatched and opened the window and took the letter. Immediately he noticed it was Remus’ handwriting: slanting and graceful. Humming, he sat down on his bed to read it.  
Hey pads,  
How are you? You never write back in the holidays and say. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, I’ve finally got the spells down for the map. Now we won’t show up in animagi form at all. Took me forever. Can’t wait to see you. I hope it doesn’t suck too much over there.  
The letter continued to ramble about all sorts: How Remus had seen a hedgehog the other day, and how he’d solved this problem or that problem with the map, and how much Remus missed him. Remus, with his golden hair and wry smiles and freckles and-  
The green-painted door to his bedroom burst open and his mother, Walburga Black stormed in.  
“Your father wants to talk to you,” she practically spat.  
Bad mood, Sirius thought, trying to obscure the letter from view behind his back. But Mrs Black caught on and made to snatch the letter.  
“Incendio!” Sirius muttered, holding Remus’ letter close to his wand.  
Walburga grabbed Sirius’ arm as the ashes fell to the floorboards. Pointing her wand at his throat, she tilted his head back.  
“This is my house. You do not burn letters. You have been told. If I want to read them I will damn well read them.”  
“I don’t think it’s any of your business,”  
Sirius spat, grappling to get free. She shook him. “Stupid boy.”  
Sirius twisted free and crossed the room, wand in hand. If it came to it he’d perform more magic; but he doubted combative spells would be seen as normal activity in a ministry investigation of underage magic. Walburga, seizing him by the hair, dragged him down the stairs as her son screamed curses of increasing magnitude at her. Her grip seemed to tighter magically, and Sirius was afraid he’d fall.  
Walburga threw him into the chair at the dining room table next to his father. Orion Black didn’t tolerate his nonsense the way Walburga did. Not at all. Sirius knew from years of experience that his father preferred to hit and punch rather than use magic at all when he was angry. And Orion Black looked downright murderous. His voice was dangerously low as he barely restrained himself from seizing his son right there and then. Sirius felt his Gryffindor bravery falter. Whatever he’d done, it far surpassed letter burning and talking back.  
“I have received reports from Hogwarts that you have been engaging In sacrilegious events. Is this true?” Sirius froze. Could he know? Could he know that Sirius bought that bracelet? Surely not. It was the summer right before school ended, and he had bought a rainbow beaded bracelet because Remus helped make them and he wanted- never mind what he wanted. But not even his friends knew. And they knew everything. Well,  
Maybe not everything. Sirius felt a twinge of guilt. He hadn’t opened up to them about the worsening situation at home. And anyway why bring it up now? Did his parents find it in his room when he was outside earlier, or-  
“I bought a bracelet,” Sirius stood up. “Not that it’s any of your concern.” He added scathingly.  
Whatever story his father had been told had seemed to be confirmed by Sirius’ admission, by the way he seemed to lose his temper.  
“MY SON? MY ELDEST SON, A FILTHY HOMEOSEXUAL?” He was shouting now, and standing, looming over Sirius with many unspoken threats.  
Somehow Sirius didn’t think it was the best time to try and explain bisexuality.  
“Something like that.” His voice wavered as he backed up. “But I can’t change th-“  
Orion took a swing at him, which he ducked, before taking a punch to the stomach followed by a kick and a grab.  
“You fucking bastard!” He tried to twist loose, but Orion knew all his tricks.  
Disoriented, it was easy for him to be thrown onto the ground. The force of the slam left him winded. His ribs hurt something fierce. He tried to get up, but panicked when he saw a small pool of blood beneath his left thigh and collapsed. Blood made him faint. His father’s voice moved In and out of hearing range as Sirius struggled to prop his arms up underneath him at least. “Useless boy. Not my son... Faggot. Rot in hell.”  
Sirius managed to lift his head a little ways, and was rewarded with a kick to the face.  
Then he blacked out.  
***  
Sirius’ conciousness slowly seemed to return bit by bit, in the way that it does when you wake up and have to confront some sort of grim reality. It was dark outside now, and Sirius felt sick. The pain only hit him when he started to move, and he grimaced as he pulled himself up. It was only then he noticed what he’d cut his leg on: a glass shard. The fallen culprit, a broken wine glass, lay not too far behind him. He went to wipe his nose. It came away bloody. Groaning, he pulled himself to his feet. That’s when he noticed: his trunk was right in front of the door. Placed there too, not thrown spitefully.  
Regulus, he thought. At least he cares.  
He wondered briefly who had told his father about the rainbow bracelet he’d bought from the shy hufflepuff boy in the grounds, quietly, claiming it wasn’t for himself.  
The answer was staring him right in the face. The bracelet was looped around the handle of the trunk. Regulus had told him. And then he had felt bad and brought the trunk down for him, after dark. This was an apology. A pretty shit one, honestly.  
Right then and there, Sirius decided he was never coming back. Not ever.  
So he took a silver knife and as quickly, quietly and messily as he could,scratched a sentence into the rare, soft wood of the kitchen table.  
I’m fucking leaving  
He put up his middle finger at the house one last time before he pulled his wand from his pocket, grabbed his trunk, and walked out into the cold night.  
He was free.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Sorry for the short chapter, I wrote this at 2am, it’s just getting started- Remus/Sirius to come soon (the idiots are already In Love but are completely unaware, bless ‘em). Also please please please comment what you enjoyed and please comment constructive criticism and what parts you enjoyed and where you’d like to see the story taken next it helps me out so much and it’s so motivating! Have a great rest of your day/night <3


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